Please
by Kika1
Summary: Omi discovers that things are not always as they seem, and even hindsight is not always 2020. This is a songfic to the song 'Please' by Staind set postGluhen. Rating for shounenai and language. NagiOmi
1. Chapter 1

Nagi laughed.

He _laughed_. The bastard! How could he laugh at a time like this? And it was not one of the laughs he had grown to treasure, either. Those had been rare and cherished, a true laugh, starting somewhere in the man's belly, usually slowed by an attempt to stifle it, then finally escaping in a surprised spurt of joy. No, this was not one of those laughs. This was a cold, heartless laugh, one that brought back memories of years past that made Omi's skin crawl.

He should have seen this coming. Over the past weeks, Nagi had grown more distanced, more withdrawn. After all the opening up the pair had done, Omi had to watch Nagi as he had once again closed himself off, showing fewer and fewer emotions. In the past week, he had even refused to call him 'Omi' as he had always done when they were alone. Even last night over dinner, it had been Momaru that Nagi was speaking to, not Omi.

_Can't you see that I'm sick of this?_

_Chances are you're oblivious to how I feel_

_Sitting on your throne, and I'm sure I'm not alone_

"What are you saying?" Omi finally managed, trying for a tone he used when conducting a business negotiation, and failing miserably. Just enough of the confused and jumbled emotions he was feeling escaped into his words to ruin the effect. Nagi's cold laughter ceased abruptly, his face reverting to the cut-from-stone look that Omi had worked so hard to erase over the past two years.

"Have you not been listening? You have been used, Momaru. Rosenkreuz now has all the information they need to easily defeat Kritiker. All this time, and you never even suspected it. Did you honestly believe that such a profound change could be sincere? I am Schwarz, Momaru, and always will be."

_Tell me please_

_Who the fuck did you want me to be?_

_Was it something that I couldn't see?_

_Never knew this would be so political_

Omi felt as if all the air had been sucked from his lungs. He felt that his heart even stopped beating, that his brain functions ceased for a single moment before both kicked into overdrive. Heart racing and adrenaline pumping, Omi shot up from the office chair he had been sitting in, glaring down at Nagi, who was seated calmly on the other side of the desk.

"You cannot tell me that the man I have known for the past two years--" _The man I fell in love with, damn it_, he added silently, "does not exist!" For a moment Omi thought he saw something flicker in Nagi's emotionless eyes, almost as if he had heard those unspoken words. But just as soon as the change registered in Omi's mind, it was gone, and Nagi's eyes were once again a cold, unfeeling blue as he spoke in a monotone.

"Believe what you will about that man's existence, Momaru. But if he did indeed ever live, believe me now when I tell you that he is dead."

_And please, I'm still wearing this miserable skin_

_And it's starting to tear from within_

_But its obvious that doesn't bother you_

So please 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok... this might actually end up being more than three parts. Whoops! giggle On with the angst... 

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Nagi was in pain. Real, physical pain. He felt as if he was wrapped in a shroud of ice, but his heart felt as if it was burning itself up. Surely such intense heat should melt the ice. . . but it would not. He could not let it.

The laughter he heard – was that his own? The sound seemed foreign to him. Granted, he did not laugh much, but when he did, it never sounded that. . . empty. But then again, that made sense. He had never _felt_ so empty. So empty and full at the same time; empty of any happiness, but full of painful emotions that he could not even begin to name.

He had been taught a great deal of control at Rosenkreuz, in deference to his dangerous powers, but even _his_ control was tested as he fought with himself, every fiber of his being wanting nothing more than to reach out to the man in front of him.

Rosenkreuz. The name should bring a shock of hatred, anger, fear, something. But he felt none of these things as he usually did when that dreaded name somehow entered his thoughts. He could feel nothing through the hatred he felt for himself as he recited the script he had mentally written.

Could he really be saying these things? Was it truly possible that he was telling Omi – no, Momaru, he corrected himself – that he had betrayed him? That everything in the past two years had been nothing but lies, that he had not changed at all? That he had never loved him?

But he had loved him; he had really, truly, deeply loved him. He still did, which was why he was now ripping Omi's heart to shreds, and destroying his own in the process.

Nagi did not give his trust easily, and he did not give his word lightly. He had only ever given either to Bradley Crawford, and then to Omi. One of these had been destroyed two weeks ago, and the other was slowly being torn down by Nagi himself.

"You cannot tell me that the man I have known for the past two years does not exist!" Omi shouted hoarsely as he rose from his chair. If it had been anger or accusation in his eyes, Nagi could have taken it. But somehow, even with all that he had said, Omi still believed in him; there was trust in his eyes. Even worse, there was still love there. For a moment, Nagi's resolve faltered, but visions of what would happen to Omi if he failed his mission bolstered him, and he set about destroying what remained of Omi's – and his own – heart.

"Believe what you will about that man's existence, Momaru. But if he did indeed ever live, believe me now when I tell you that he is dead." Did he really just say those words? Crawford's threats must have given him more strength than he thought he possessed, Nagi realized as he forced himself to watch what was left of Omi's trust in him crumble, then get up and walk calmly out the door.

_I didn't think you'd sell me out _

_Now I know what you're all about_

Yes, Crawford. Bradley Crawford, the first person he had ever truly trusted, was the reason he was destroying both his own life and that of the man he loved. Nagi was not one easily shocked, but that phone call two weeks ago had taken him by surprise. Crawford was not one to do things halfway, so when he and Schuldig had disappeared without a word of farewell, Nagi had never expected to hear from him again. If only his expectations had been right.

Crawford used to scare him. When he had first rescued him from the streets, he thought he was just another one of _those_. Someone who would use him, them send him away again. Even when Rosenkreuz managed to get him, and Crawford used all his influence and negotiating skills to get him out, he still did not fully trust him. When he had dropped Nagi off at the orphanage, it seemed that his suspicions about the man were correct – however, he had constantly visited. When he took Nagi home with him as the newest member of Schwarz, he began to gain Nagi's trust.

He had always been there. No matter what Nagi needed, Brad was there to take care of it. He would get up in the middle of the night when memories of Rosenkreuz took over Nagi's dreams, and comfort him until he had calmed down. He got up nearly every morning to make breakfast. He even dropped Nagi off and picked him up from school every day himself, or made sure that Schu did if for some reason he could not. In retrospect, they seemed like small things to Nagi, but they had meant the world to the boy who had never had the 'small things' before.

All these things had served the purpose of making Nagi trust, even love, Brad. But all of that trust and love had been destroyed two weeks ago when Nagi received a phone call from Crawford detailing how he would destroy Omi's business and life, then kill him, if Nagi did not agree to return to Schwarz.

_You might feel in control of things _

_But you're not holding all the strings_


	3. Chapter 3

By now Nagi had reached the street in front of the office building to find a nondescript black car waiting for him, as he had expected. Crawford never had been one for flashy colors.

He got into the passenger seat and buckled up without so much as glancing at the driver. As the car pulled out into traffic, the man beside him glanced over and spoke.

"I must admit that you were a bit more harsh than I expected." Nagi's lip drew up in a snarl as he yanked the tiny bug Crawford had made him wear out of the inside of his jacket and threw it at him.

"I believe I have fulfilled my end of our bargain," he said in a voice so low it was barely audible. "I would like your word that no harm will come to Omi."

"I give you my word that no harm will come to Momaru Takatori – or Omi Tsukiyono," he added, in deference to Nagi's scathing look, "By anything of my doing, so long as you remain a member of Schwarz." Nagi frowned, but seemed placated for the moment. The two rode in silence for a few moments, with Crawford navigating the streets of Tokyo like a native, both lost in their own thoughts.

_Tell me please_

_Who the fuck did you want me to be?_

_Was it something that I couldn't see?_

_Never knew this would be so political_

"Will it never be enough?" Nagi finally asked quietly. "I gave you my childhood. I gave you my teenage years. Everything that I was and did for all those years was for you. And the worst part is that I did not even regret it. I was content with you, with Schwarz." Crawford turned his head a bit to look at Nagi, as if disbelieving of what he was saying. "But then, just as I was learning to be happy, something much more than the contentedness I had felt back then. . . you take it away. You say you need more. When will it ever be enough? Or am I doomed to continue giving and giving until I have nothing left to give and finally I give my life in your service?"

Nagi finally turned to look at Crawford, and was surprised to find that the image was blurry – obscured by tears. He raised a finger to his cheek and drew it away again, staring at the moisture there in wonder. When had he last allowed himself to cry? He could not recall. He had screamed and roared in anguish and anger, but he could not remember crying actual tears. Only Omi had the power to draw this reaction from him. Strange, that the only one who could bring him true happiness was also the one who could bring him true sorrow.

_And please,_

_I'm still wearing this miserable skin_

_And it's starting to tear from within_

_But its obvious that doesn't matter to you_


End file.
